Dear MOTIVATION: My boyfriend, a U.S. Marine, struggles with flashbacks from his military service. There are moments during intimacy when he becomes distant, yells out, doesn’t want to touch me, or stares off at the ceiling or wall. His feelings and moods make our intimate moments challenging. I deeply care for him and want to support him, but I am afraid of crossing his boundaries or causing him distress. How can we navigate intimacy in a way that honors his military service and experiences while allowing us to connect emotionally and physically? I want to help him heal, but I’m unsure how to approach this sensitive topic. Your advice would be invaluable. — WANTING TO LOVE MY MARINE MORE IN HAWAII 

DEAR LOVE MY MARINE MORE: Your concern and love for your boyfriend (Marine) are commendable. Thank him for his service, from me, please. I, too, am a military veteran, serving in the U.S. Navy.

Communication is key to connection and intimacy in a relationship. Begin by gently discussing your boyfriend’s feelings and his past military experiences. He may appreciate your willingness to listen actively and your genuine desire to love him more. Consider creating a calming and soothing environment that fosters intimacy, focusing on emotional closeness and support before addressing physical aspects. It’s essential to respect his boundaries while also expressing your own needs. Suggest seeking professional help together through the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs—this could provide him with tools and support to cope with his flashbacks. With patience and understanding, you can cultivate a loving bond and a supportive relationship that grows into forever love with your Marine over time.